Tag Archives: twitter

The Middle Eight Manifesto or; Behold! The Secret to Writing!

Photo: Natania Barron, NC Botanical Gardens

Well, I’ve reached the middle eight. Almost. At least, I’m cruising just about to the 30K mark, a little more than a third of the way through Rock Revival. Musically speaking that might be where I put a bridge. Or a pre-chorus. Or something interesting. Certainly we’ve established the verse and chorus, and now we’re shaking things up.

And hoo-boy are we. It’s been so long since I’ve been this deep in a novel (I did the math; it’s been over two years, between day jobbery, health issues, and pregnancy…) that I’ve absolutely forgotten how characters can throw you for a loop. I had this planned, damnit. WTF?!

Maybe part of me really thought the magic was only apparent in speculative-flavored books, because this last scene (written about 12 hours ago, during the wee hours of the morning) really threw me a punch in the gut. You’d think a first-person narrative wouldn’t be so unpredictable, but you’d be wrong. Kate just took me down an alley I didn’t anticipate going down, and it’s horrible and wonderful and perfect for where the book is going.

So as far as fiction writing is going for me? Happy days are here again. Glad to report, this lady’s got her groove back. Quite literally. I even started putting those lyrics from yesterday to music! I’m basically squeezing every moment of time possible for myself between diaper changes, errands, cooking dinner, and loads and loads of laundry. Yes, that’s me. Covered in spit up and wearing pajamas for most of the day. Glamour!

Anyway, after talking a bit last night with Paul Jessup, a writer who’s been a friend since I started going on the Internet and referring to myself as an author, I decided I wanted to offer a few words of wisdom about becoming a successful writer.

So I wrote a little manifesto. I’m indebted to a few for this, because not all this is new (in particular Jeff VanderMeer’s Booklife and Stephen King’s On Writing). These are just the things that I’ve learned that are helpful especially for newer writers.

1.) There is only one secret to writing. And that is writing the best book you can possibly write.

2.) Writing well for you is not the same as writing well for others. Learn to figure out what it is that you write, and why it’s important to write it. Know your strengths and weaknesses. You’ll never be perfect, but awareness is the key to growth.

3.) No how-to book can teach you how to write. The only way to write is to read. And then write. Then read more. And more. And write more. Ad nauseum. You have to be in love with words and stories and characters and process. You have to be prepared to be alone, to sit up late at night and stay in love.

4.) Don’t follow agents and publishers on Twitter/Facebook/whatever until you’re ready AND until your book is ready. In some cases, I’d say to steer clear in general unless you know them personally. While their insight is helpful, I’ve seen it be more of a hindrance than a help for most writers who are too tempted to submit (unprepared) manuscripts in the face of all that social media influence. Not to mention, it’s a distraction you don’t need when writing. (After spending the better part of the last two years unconnected to the writing Twitter feeds, I’ve got to say there’s a lot less noise in my head; I keep it limited to my friends now, and very few industry folk. You can’t let the floodgates in, you’ll drown.)

5.) If you think you’re book is ready, it’s probably not. Edit it again. Share it with more friends. Leave it in a desk for a year. Let it cure. Like good bacon.

6.) Don’t even think about writing a query if your book isn’t ready. (Also, don’t even think about pitching/pestering/following/paying attention to agents/authors/publishers, either.)

7.) Make friends who are writers. Make them diverse, across genres, backgrounds, experiences, genders. Learn from them. Be kind to them. They will lift you up, connect you, support you when you need them most. Those relationships will help build your (and their) career.

8.) Don’t measure your success by your friends’ successes. Your career isn’t theirs. Keep going. While you’re at it: Focus on your own goals, and makes sure they’re realistic.

9.) Throw out your definition of success and think of a better one. It’s never what you think it is.

10.) Grow a thick skin.

11.) Grow a thicker skin. Everyone gets bad reviews. People will inevitably, somewhere along the way, hate your book. They might even hate you. If you’re not ready to face that, you’ll crumble. You’re allowed a meltdown now and again (I can speak to experience on this one) but you need to learn to bounce back, and remember that you’re a writer and you are putting yourself and your work out there because it needs to be shared.

12.) Be kind. Many writers don’t have 10 & 11, and never do. Also many writers are not kind or nice in any way. And they might be successful. Still, don’t burn bridges with reviews/commentary/criticism unless you’re prepared.

13.) Go to conventions as an attendee, then as a guest. Repeat.

14.) Enthusiasm is required. However, understand that there is such a thing as too much PR/self-promotion/spam. People will stop listening if you flood the channels.

15.) There is no easy way out. There is only one secret to writing. And that is writing the best book you can possibly write. 

A few notes. Personally, I’ve struggled with 10 & 11. I’m really bad at getting back up on the horse following rejections. Even nicer ones. Part of my problem is that I’m a very non-competitive person, and it’s honestly easier to be inactive than to get rejections. Once this current book is at Draft Zero, I’m going to be evaluating the current trunk full of novels I’ve given up on.

And listen, social media is great. I’ve made some of the best connections through it. But it’s become a mire. Half the people who follow me are self-publishing zealots spamming their feeds with their books (on sale for .99!). I mean, props to them. They’re making this a business. But their approach is not my approach. Yes, miracles do happen. Unexpected books break free and find huge popularity. But popularity isn’t success. Not for me. My biggest moment of success? Getting an awesome Library Journal review for Pilgrim of the Sky. Quite literally, I’ve never felt so downright euphoric in my writing career, ever. I was sitting in the car at a supermarket in Boone, NC, about to leave cell service territory, when I got the email from Kate at Candlemark, and I had to read it over twenty times and I couldn’t stop giggling. That made all the work feel so worthwhile.

And sure, most agents and publishers are well meaning. I don’t know. I don’t know their motives personally. But a lot of them come across as if they’re on power trips or use social media as their personal griping boards. Sure, it’s nice to know what agents are looking for. But you shouldn’t write for them. They are not your audience. They’re the gatekeepers, in some instances (though less and less so as the face of publishing is changing so quickly). And just because you get an agent doesn’t mean you’re happier. Some of the saddest people I know are authors with representation who are still going nowhere.

The thing is, the industry can and will change at the drop of a hat. The only constant is you, the writer, the content creator. Which is why the secret/no-secret is in your hands.

So go write, already! The world’s waiting for your best.

Five Ways Social Media Can Destroy Your Writing (and, Potentially, Your Career)

Ah, social media. You can’t cross the street any more without having it cross your consciousness (I wonder if there’s a check-in here!). And as useful as social media can be for us writerly types, I guarantee you for every pro there is a serious and potentially hazardous con. Having written before on some of the reasons I love Twitter for writing, I thought I’d share five ways that social media can, you know, go all Cthulhu on your writing rather than foster it.

1) You drive yourself to distraction. This is perhaps the most obvious pitfall of social media. It’s damn distracting. There’s plenty of time to talk about writing, to meet new writers, to see and read and absorb everyone else’s processes and approaches and learn about the business and agents and publishing and… and… Wait, when was the last time you actually sat down and wrote something? And finished it? And submitted it? Yeah, I thought so. Spend too much time writing and thinking about social media, and before you know it that hard-earned writing time evaporates like wine on a hot skillet. There’s lots of time for learning the craft, and building a network is important. But the second you start spending more time broadcasting than actually creating you’ve got your priorities mixed up. (Don’t think you’re addicted: Check out the Oatmeal’s “How Addicted to Facebook Are You Quiz” for some laughs.)

Solution: Some writers use various types of software to turn off Twitter, Facebook, etc., during writing times. Others are just self-disciplined. Me? I block out hour time periods. For that hour, I’m allowed only to write. Then, I get five or ten minutes to check the wide world. Honestly, sometimes I just keep on writing because, well, there’s a lot less noise out there.

2) You broadcast too much. This is something I’ve seen from very young, fledgeling writers, to established and critically acclaimed writers. Yes, there is too much of a good thing. Over sharing. Over gloating. TMI. You know what I mean. Sure, it’s up to you to do as you will with your social media accounts. I’m not the police. I’m just saying, as a book fan and a writer myself, there’ve been many people that I’ve stopped following simply because their feeds got too, well, uncomfortable or, to turn a phrase, commercial. As much as I don’t want to hear about every single meal and migraine, I don’t want to have to endure a feed that’s nothing but self-promotion. Balance, friends.

Solution: Ask some good friends for critiques of your social media feeds if you’re worried. Write a manifesto about what you do and don’t share. If you care about that sort of thing. If you don’t, well, more power to you. Just know that your social media persona is as close as some of your fans, potential colleagues, and publishers are ever going to get to you. And if you want to make money off this writing thing, it’s probably a good idea to present yourself well. Okay, so maybe you have a huge, established audience and you couldn’t care less about what people think of you because you bathe in dollar bills. I still hold that one bad turn could ruin your career, especially if it reeks of scandal.

3) You get into arguments with other people. You know. Like, every other day. Yes, I believe that discourse is important. The only way that we progress is through understanding, which can sometimes take the form of heated discussions. But is social media the place for this? Likely not. And for a few reasons. a) it’s painfully public so everyone gets to listen to your late-night, Pabst-fueled rantings uncensored and before you have the chance to delete them b) the internet is FOREVER, man. Be a dick once, and it will haunt you for a lifetime, and c) it’s not a good place to be when you’re heated and angry and out for blood. (Penny Arcade even posits that even some folks probably aren’t in that good of a place when they sign up…)

Solution: You’re really pissed off? Good. Maybe you can do something to change the injustice. But take some time to cool off before you oust Major Jerkward Editor to the world. Be tactful. Try blog posts, mobilize your friends, prepare a response. Then you’re not a hot-head drunkard writer who comes off looking petty and jealous, you’re a well-spoken expert on the situation who added something really cool to the discussion and changed a few minds. (Also: try not to take yourself so seriously. I swear, in four years, you’ll look back at this and have a good laugh. Or a cry. Hopefully the former and not the latter.)

4) You’re very vocal about whose writing you do and don’t like. This is beyond issues of content. If you really hate a particular writer simply for the way they write or a particular choice they made in their story, trumpeting it to the social network isn’t the best idea. Why? Well, take a quick look at how many people you’re connected on, say, Facebook. You know, the other day, Facebook recommended that I friend Peter Straub, because apparently we have a whole lot of friends in common. Yeah, that whole six-degrees thing just got a whole lost closer with social media. Thankfully, I like Peter Straub. But if I ranted and raved about how much I detested him, then ran into him virtually or IRL, you know… that might be a bit awkward. And potentially damaging.

Solution: Critique, don’t simply dislike. Don’t let emotion get in the way of reading/projecting about what you’ve read. That goes beyond being a bad social media person — that’s just being a bad reader. If you’re reviewing something, you owe it to yourself and to the writing community to explain why you didn’t like it. You also owe it to everyone to actually read the book. Done well, you come across as someone who knows their stuff and you might even give insight into the writer’s own work. Remember, all writers are still in progress! (Note: some writers do believe they aren’t progressing, and others still can’t take any criticism at all. But at least if you respond intelligently, you cover yourself in the future! While not cool, IMO, I’ve still seen plenty of writers go after other writers and readers either on Twitter, Facebook, or blogs, for bad reviews… Remember that whole thing about the internet being forever? Yeah… totally goes both ways.)

5) You think you’re ready when you’re not. It’s so exciting to see other authors selling stories and doing book tours and signing book deals. But if you start comparing yourself and your career to theirs, you’re in for trouble. The truth is that there’s no magic formula. And submitting a bunch of half-thought stories and novels to publishers before they’re ready, just because you dream of the day you can Tweet: “I sold my book!” is not a good idea. I’ve been guilty myself of this, I will freely admit (while social media wasn’t the only culprit in my progress paralysis, it certainly didn’t help!). A false-sense of your own skill leads to nothing but heartbreak. Unfortunately, for the majority of writers out there, hope does nothing for actually selling a book. Also, beware promises that sound too good: vanity presses, people who want your money to publish your book. It’s hard to separate the wheat from the chaff online sometimes, but generally speaking, there is no pot of gold at the end of most promised rainbows.

Solution: Measure success with your own yardstick. Make goals that make sense for you and your experience. Maybe it’s just finishing a short story this year. Maybe it’s scoring an agent. But  framing your success in terms of other peoples’ is a recipe for disaster and, ultimately, massive disappointment. The only thing that writers have in common when it comes to success: damned hard work. To quote Jeff VanderMeer from Facebook earlier today (and to give a nod in general to Booklife, which goes into this better than I do): “If you’re not willing to put in the time and effort, if you don’t like hard work, don’t be a writer. Don’t be a writer if you don’t like to read. The world doesn’t need another punk-ass pretender.”

I’m sure there are lot of other pitfalls of social media, but these are the ones I’ve become most familiar with. Above all, practice moderation, folks. Any tool can become a distraction. Anything you say can be found again. And the only person who can truly control how you’re perceived is you. You want to be an irreverent, irate creative? Go right ahead. Just know that there are possible ramifications. You want to avoid social media altogether and go the Luddite route? Rock on. Just know that you’re also missing out on some pretty huge opportunities. (Or… maybe… in some cases, you’re not!)

How about you? Anyone fallen into any of these traps or discovered others? How do you balance social media and your writing life?

Further Reading:

Six Ways Twitter Can Make You A Better Writer

Many people consider Twitter solely for networking purposes, for meeting people with common interests and conversing. And while that’s a big part of it, Twitter can also be a very useful tool for improving your writing.

When I first started building my Twitter follow list, I started with a lot of writers. And soon I discovered, mostly through feeds of people like Jay Lake and Paul Jessup, the #wip hashtag. Easy enough, WIP stands for “work in progress”. Basically, writers sample little 140 character or less sections from their work, sharing it with their friends and followers. Not every writer does this (either some don’t like the attention it brings, while others might feel it’s a little too flashy or something) I’ve found it very helpful for a number of reasons.

  • Most importantly, excerpting your #wip brings people into your creative process. It allows your friends, fellow writers, and general followers a glimpse into your current project. The line you tweet may or may not be that good; it may or may not end up in your final draft. But does it matter? If you’re a new or emerging writer and you have a tidbit to share, it’s a great way to get buzz. If you’re a more established writer it helps to generate excitement about your new project and certainly gives fans of your work a reason to follow your feed (besides, you know, tweeting about what you eat).
  • #wip sampling also leaves a written record of what you’re working on when. I find this very useful, and something enlightening, to go back and watch my progress. I can actually figure out how long it took to write various short stories and novels by searching the #wip tag in my posts. To get even more specific, I can add another hashtag, mostly for myself, that indicates what project I’m on (sort of just for myself).
  • #wip sampling really forces you to look at the words. It takes them out of context of the story, which is a fantastic way to edit. In fact, there’s probably only one or two instances where I’ve ever tweeted a #wip that I didn’t end up editing. Sometimes the rhythm of the language is off, sometimes it just dosen’t punch enough; other times, it just needs a tiny tweak to make it better. In the end, it puts a good distance between that sentence or sentences and the whole work. No, I don’t suggest tweeting every sentence just to edit, but if you can every once in a while it can certainly give you some insight.
  • I do this exercise typically when I’ve hit my 1K for the day. I’ll look over the whole work and try and find the best section to tweet. If there’s nothing–absolutely nothing–for me to share, chances are that I’ve done something wrong. If I’ve written 1,000 words and nothing is worth sharing with my writer and reader friends, then something is surely missing. There’s got to be some place with tension, with humor, with excitement! If there isn’t, I’ll go back and do some house-cleaning, even if it’s a first draft.
  • If you’re shy about your work, and don’t like to share, tweeting little bits and pieces is a good way to warm you up. Because, honestly, if you’re going to start publishing, well, everyone is going to have access to everything. While some #wip tweets get responses, many don’t. Mostly because they’re just snippets, of course. But it’s a perfect opportunity to get your feet wet.
  • Lastly, I love going through my friends’ #wip tags. It makes me feel like part of a writing community. String them together and you’ve got some truly fascinating tidbits of creativity going on. Widen your scope through all of Twitter, and there’s a collective, beautiful cacophony of image and craft. To me, that’s just absolutely inspiring. Knowing that other writers are doing the same thing as I am (hopefully not exactly the same, but you get my drift) definitely encourages me to get through the daily writing grind and make my work better.

How about you? Have you discovered any way that social media has helped your writing process?

What future Natania told past Natania.

Photo by Pierre J.

Photo by Pierre J.

No, I can’t really go back in time (if I could, you’d be reading this on a telegraph!). But if I could, there’s a few things I’d tell myself about writing, publication, and and the business of print.

Never underestimate the kindness and generosity of other writers. Most of the progress I’ve made this last year has been because of the friendships I’ve made with other SF/F writers. First it was through WordPress, then it was through Twitter. Not only have other writers helped me learn the ropes and what to expect, but they’ve been a constant source of inspiration and support during the writing, editing, and shopping process.

Never underestimate the selfishness and self-centeredness of other writers. While, thankfully, not as common as the nice folks, there are some astonishingly vain writers out there who are writing for one reason: themselves. They feed off of praise and adulation, and love to talk about themselves and their work but rarely help other people. Steer clear of these folks, no matter what honeyed promises they give you.

Listen to agents. It’s hard advice, at first. It will likely burst your happy little bubble, and will be difficult to hear. At first you’ll be overwhelmed by the number of queries each and every agent gets, then by the sheer fail of it all. But then you’ll realize how important it is that you listen to their advice because, unlike ten years ago, now with Twitter and Facebook and the blogsplosion, you have the opportunity to be in the know. The secrets are out, for the most part. But, conversely, you have no excuse for being ignorant! So in some ways, the competition is even more intense. Keep on your toes.

The Internet is not magic. Just because you blog, podcast, write, critique, and are involved in active Twitter chats doesn’t mean you’ll find success. It can help, of course, but it still takes persistence and work. There are no magic publication fairies that will scoop up your manuscript and whisk it off to Tor. That said, you have to act as your own emissary–so be on good behavior, and try not to be a dick.

Rejection isn’t personal. It’s biased, yes, but not personal. It’s also part of the game. Learning to wear rejection as a badge of honor is a good idea, but it’s no easy task. You can think you’re tough, but life is weird. Chances are you’ll get a major rejection on a day that was crap already, and no matter how much you try to say it doesn’t bother you, it will. It’s natural. It’s something you hoped for, and nothing sucks so much as the destruction of hope (even if it’s just temporary). However, you’re only allowed to let it bother you for a day, an hour, a small increment of time, and then move on. If you can’t move on, frankly, you’re just not cut out for this business.

Make your own victories. It’s not about what you’re writing compared to everyone else. It’s not even about your word count. It’s about telling your story and telling it right. It’s about finding your own voice. Make daily goals, and stick to them. As long as you keep championing on, the sting of rejection won’t be so harsh.

Never take your readers for granted. Their input is some of the most meaningful and helpful you’ll ever get. There is nothing so amazing as sharing something with a reader and having them enjoy it, having the story mean something to them, too. Listen to everything they say… their comments can be more insightful than the most seasoned critic.

Grow a pair. You’ll find, as you continue to write, and move beyond that first novel, that there are things you should have done, could have done, and were afraid to do. Be fearless. Go out on a limb. Be the voice you want to hear. Maybe you can’t slay dragons in real life, but you can do anything between the lines. Trust your imagination, listen to your characters, and be brave enough to heed what you hear.

Read, read, read. Never go a day without reading something. Read books that rock, books that suck. Read how-to books and mystery novels and gardening books. Read cooking books and encyclopedias. Learn from the craft, never stop the stream of information. It is what you love, and if you stray from that path, you’ll get lost. Trust me, I know.

Tweeting in the Writing World

For years I had the hardest time writing. It wasn’t that I didn’t have ideas, or inspiration, or even time. As many point out, novel writing isn’t something you have to be unemployed or financed to do. A little bit, every day, adds up very quickly.

I started a blog when I finished the first draft of my novel with the assumption that if I had some method of accountability other than myself, I would produce more work. I started podcasting the drafts, asking for feedback from listeners. And it sort of helped. But not really. I was still dawdling editing my draft, still extremely undisciplined and totally erratic. I suffered from crazy bouts of I-am-never-going-to-do-this and why-do-I-even-bother and this-is-crap-so-I-should-give-up and taking-myself-too-seriously.

Enter the Twitterverse. As strange and simple as it sounds, Twitter has completely changed the world of writing for me.

Oh, I’d been “on” Twitter for a few months, just never really took the time to explore the options. But, eventually, one friend led to another, and another, and another, and before I knew it I was actually a part of a writing community. Writers, agents, publishers, magazine editors… all right there, all sharing essential information, tips, tricks, and suggestions. What’s so unprecedented in the Twitter world is that you have a wide-open window into the lives of people in your business (yes, writing is a business). Before, there was no way you’d ever know how many queries an agent is dealing with, or what publishing houses are on the lookout, or how long it takes so-and-so to edit their novel.

The result is twofold. You learn what writers do, and that you–if you are doing it right–are doing the same thing. And if you’re into a genre, like me, that isn’t well suited to local writer meetups, the feeling of knowing you’re not alone is really profound. But you also learn about what everyone else is doing, the people behind the scenes, and you can watch the progression right before your eyes.

Here’s a few tips for Tweeting in the writing world:

  • Find people you love. You’ll be surprised how many writers tweet–big names, little names, old and young. If you have favorite blogs, check those out–favorite ‘zines, too. Most Twitter writers publish their links on their blogs.
  • Make a good profile. Put the word “writer” or “editor” in there. Make sure you provide a link to your Twitter account on your website or blog, or Facebook account. (And make sure your site is professional… but you knew that already, right?)
  • Don’t expect everyone to follow you back. Some writers, agents, and editors has a metric crapload of followers–or they’re really, really selective. Don’t take it personally. Consider the worth of being able to have a window into their worlds, and @back at them now and again. But…
  • Don’t be annoying. Must stress this. Especially with established folks, the last thing they need to deal with is a Twitterer with entitlement issues. You’ll be blocked and ignored if you constantly badger people. If you want to get to know someone, get involved in their blog posts, read their short stories/novels, let them know you enjoyed them. But being a jerk never gets you anywhere.
  • Don’t take things offensively. I saw this recently with #queryfail on Twitter, where agents post the most terrible of query bits in their Tweets. A few writers were horrified by the public nature of the bad queries. But honestly, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Writers aren’t discovered: they’re made. And if you’re not willing to get into the business of publishers, agents, and editors, and feel your work is too precious, you’re in for a big surprise. I personally think #queryfail and similar “how to get an agent” tips are worth their weight in gold, and certainly something that, without social networking, I may have never known.
  • Don’t be embarrassed. I am an unabashed newbie. I’ve already made mistakes, more than I can count on one hand. Putting yourself out there, and being a resource yourself, is one of the best ways to get followers. But staying in your shell, protecting all your posts, and only tweeting once in a moon is not going to do the trick (and chances are, some folks aren’t interested in using Twitter like this and that of course is fine). Be proud of what you do, and share the goings on in your writing community.
  • Know you’re one in a million. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but something to just keep in mind. You are part of a large community, and you’re one of millions who has written a book. It’s a double-edged sword. Get ready to give AND take–there’s plenty to do in both departments.
  • Be approachable! If you’re using Twitter in a professional capacity as a writer, don’t be a dick. Don’t be rude. Don’t be too much of a complainer. Remember, you’re here to make friends, not alienate people.
  • Don’t expect a miracle. It takes work, both from your end and elsewhere, to get a book to publication. And it doesn’t happen to everyone. But if you work at it you’ll be better for the journey.

Your Twitter friends

Ah, the wonderful world of Twitter. For the last year or so, I’ve found myself addicted, obsessed, and entertained by this new media darling. But over this time, I’ve also noticed some patterns emerging, and bordering on hilarity.

Of course, nothing should be inferred or implied. Any similarity to those living or dead (save for @wilw!) is entirely coincidental.

And rest assured, I’m guilty of quite a few of these myself.

—

The TMIer – This person seemed normal, and you like making new, interesting friends. But a few days into following their feed, and you now know more about their bodily functions and various diseases than you do about yourself. Who knew 140 characters could read like an episode of “House”?

  • sample: “OMG – yeast infections r so annoying!”, “This sore on my leg won’t go away”, and “Went 2 dr. Said nothing wrong. Going for second op.”

The Self-Important One – They don’t tweet often. And when they do, it’s mostly to belittle the Tweeters that do, or complain about people following them. And after a while, they’ve probably locked their posts. But you don’t care. It’s not like they ever say anything interesting, anyway. Come to think of it–why are you still following them?

  • sample: “People annoy me.”, “I don’t even know why I have this account.”, “Thanks, but blocked.”

The Complainer – Be it sun, rain, snow, sleet, hail, or just a bad day at the office, this friend has something to complain about. In fact, you’ve started to wonder if this person might, in fact, only use Twitter to complain. Sometimes borders on suicidal, maniacal, and even a little deranged. Still, you stand by because… heck, they’re entertaining at least–and it’s good to know someone’s always more miserable than you.

  • sample: “&*#@ it.”, “I don’t know why I keep doing this. Life sucks.”, “Fail Whale again. Figures.”, “This season of BSG just sucks.”

The WoW player – Like the TIMer, this Tweeter started out completely normal and, seemingly, harmless. Family guy, married, no drugs. Then, out of the blue, they start playing WoW, and now every tweet revolves around what’s going on in their Northrend quests, with no semblance to the guy you once knew.

  • sample: “Bio break. Been playing 10hrs.”, “80 DK LFG–oh, wrong channel.”, “WTH, I hate my guild!”

Wil Wheaton – Everyone follows Wil Wheaton. They just do.

  • sample:  “Too busy to stop for lunch today, brewed some green tea and made some Thai-style rice from the microwave. YES YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS. GOSH.”

The Drunk - One day you opened your browser up and discovered that an unassuming friend had imbibed a fifth of whisky, resulting in revealing to you his long-hidden desires to do very dirty things to you. Followed by adamant, and very drunken, apologies.You still stopped following him, anyway.

  • sample: “Its so fun tow type drunk!”, “SUCK IT TWEETER!”, “I’m sorry… pls follw me back.”

The Stalker – Every tweet they make is wondering where @someone is. Every day. Multiple times, multiple people. It’s astonishing how creepy 140 characters or less can be.

  • sample: “Where is @someone?”, “When was the last time anyone saw @someone?”, “I keep messaging @someone but they keep ignoring me. R They OK?!”, “Ten people stopped following me today. :( “

The Stoner – You’re not sure why you’re following them, other than their great non-sequiturs. They often reply to you days after something you tweeted, and so you have to sift through your updates to figure where in the heck they’re coming from. Often talk about Cheetos, Mountain Dew, and Pez. In no paritcular order.

  • sample: “Did Obama win the election or wut?”, “Playing RockBand. Hilarious.”, “Never knew Schindler’s List was so funny.”, “Ok.”

The Couple – Some days your entire Tweet log is just between these two, who don’t seem to know there’s something called a direct message, let alone a telephone or an IM. As a result, you’re starting to feel like a kid with two divorcing parents. Or two parents who love each other a little too much when you’re around. Or like you’re stuck in an episode of “The Brady Bunch.”

  • sample: “@wife Did you get bread at the grocery store?”, “@husband Y r such a jerk sometimes.”, “@significant other Let me know what the doctor says about the fertility treament.”

Any others you want to add? Comment away. :)